10 Wine Jokes
10 Wine Jokes
Bring smiles and laughter to any friendly or family gathering.
Bring smiles and laughter to any friendly or family gathering.
Share them with friends and family, to make wine drinking or any other event, full of fun and happy moments!
Share them with friends and family, to make wine drinking or any other event, full of fun and happy moments!
1) Math class for 5th graders:
1) Math class for 5th graders:
First day of class, math teacher wanted to quiz his students before starting the new math season.
First day of class, math teacher wanted to quiz his students before starting the new math season.
Teacher: “Johnny, if I have 3 empty wine bottles in my right hand and 4 empty beer bottles in my left hand. Tell me what I have.”
Teacher: “Johnny, if I have 3 empty wine bottles in my right hand and 4 empty beer bottles in my left hand. Tell me what I have.”
Johnny: “Sir, I think you have a drinking problem.”
Johnny: “Sir, I think you have a drinking problem.”
2) Healthy Drinking for 4th graders:
2) Healthy Drinking for 4th graders:
Fifth grade teacher, wanted to show the kids, about healthy drinking and bad impact of alcohol drinking.
Fifth grade teacher, wanted to show the kids, about healthy drinking and bad impact of alcohol drinking.
He puts four worms in 4 separate test tubes: 1st in beer, 2nd in whisky, 3rd in wine, 4th in water.
He puts four worms in 4 separate test tubes: 1st in beer, 2nd in whisky, 3rd in wine, 4th in water.
The next day, he shows the kids, the only worm alive is the one in the water.
The next day, he shows the kids, the only worm alive is the one in the water.
Then the teacher asks, “Tony, what did we learn from this experiment?”
Then the teacher asks, “Tony, what did we learn from this experiment?”
Tony says: “Sir, we learned that if we drink beer, whisky and wine, all the bad worms in our body will die!”
Tony says: “Sir, we learned that if we drink beer, whisky and wine, all the bad worms in our body will die!”
3) Drunk and an Officer:
3) Drunk and an Officer:
A drunken man with a bottle of wine in the hand, was in the middle of the street and one foot stuck in the gutter.
A drunken man with a bottle of wine in the hand, was in the middle of the street and one foot stuck in the gutter.
The Officer: "I have to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk."
The Officer: "I have to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk."
The Drunk: "Off-licer, yee sure I am drunk?"
The Drunk: "Off-licer, yee sure I am drunk?"
The Officer: "Yes, I'm sure, let's go."
The Officer: "Yes, I'm sure, let's go."
The Drunk: “Thank God! I thought I was a cripple."
The Drunk: “Thank God! I thought I was a cripple."
4) A Wino goes to McDonalds:
4) A Wino goes to McDonalds:
The Wino: “I want to order a Big Mac and Big Glass of Wine.”
The Wino: “I want to order a Big Mac and Big Glass of Wine.”
The Cashier: “Sir, we don’t sell wine, this is McDonalds.”
The Cashier: “Sir, we don’t sell wine, this is McDonalds.”
The Wino: “Ok, how about a Big Mac and Big McWine?”
The Wino: “Ok, how about a Big Mac and Big McWine?”
5) A Drunk Driver and an Officer:
5) A Drunk Driver and an Officer:
A man was driving and drinking from a bottle, when he was stopped by a traffic cop.
A man was driving and drinking from a bottle, when he was stopped by a traffic cop.
The Cop: “What is in that Bottle?”
The Cop: “What is in that Bottle?”
The man: “Plain water, officer.”
The man: “Plain water, officer.”
The Cop pulls and sniffs the bottle, and says, "This is not water, it is wine!”
The Cop pulls and sniffs the bottle, and says, "This is not water, it is wine!”
The man raises his hands and looks up, and says in loud voice, “THANK YOU JESUS, YOU'VE DONE YOUR MIRACLE AGAIN.”
The man raises his hands and looks up, and says in loud voice, “THANK YOU JESUS, YOU'VE DONE YOUR MIRACLE AGAIN.”
6) Old Man and the Doctor:
6) Old Man and the Doctor:
An older man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
An older man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor: “Do you drink any alcohol?”
The doctor: “Do you drink any alcohol?”
The old man: “Yes”
The old man: “Yes”
The doctor: “What do you drink?”
The doctor: “What do you drink?”
The old man: “For better digestion, I drink white wine. For my low blood pressure, I drink red wine. For high blood pressure, I drink sparkling wine. For bad cold, I drink tea mixed with sweet wine.”
The old man: “For better digestion, I drink white wine. For my low blood pressure, I drink red wine. For high blood pressure, I drink sparkling wine. For bad cold, I drink tea mixed with sweet wine.”
The doctor: “So, when do you drink water?”
The doctor: “So, when do you drink water?”
The old man: “Doctor, I’ve never been that sick!”
The old man: “Doctor, I’ve never been that sick!”
7) Wine bottle and a drunk on a bicycle:
7) Wine bottle and a drunk on a bicycle:
A man using his bicycle goes to the wine store and buys a bottle of wine.
A man using his bicycle goes to the wine store and buys a bottle of wine.
As he leaves the store, he says “What if, I fall off the bike and break the bottle of wine.”
As he leaves the store, he says “What if, I fall off the bike and break the bottle of wine.”
Then, he says “Maybe it will be safer, if I drink the wine, and then ride the bike home.”
Then, he says “Maybe it will be safer, if I drink the wine, and then ride the bike home.”
So he drinks the whole bottle of wine, and starts cycling back home. He arrives home all bruised.
So he drinks the whole bottle of wine, and starts cycling back home. He arrives home all bruised.
Fully drunk and talking to himself, he says, “I made a wise decision today. My wine bottle would have broken, with so many falls off the bicycle!”
Fully drunk and talking to himself, he says, “I made a wise decision today. My wine bottle would have broken, with so many falls off the bicycle!”
8) A guy offers a girl a glass of wine:
8) A guy offers a girl a glass of wine:
The guy: “Hi, can I get you a glass of Wine?"
The guy: “Hi, can I get you a glass of Wine?"
The girl: “I like wine, but it is bad for my legs.”
The girl: “I like wine, but it is bad for my legs.”
The guy: “Why? Do they swell?"
The guy: “Why? Do they swell?"
The girl: “No, they relax and spread!”
The girl: “No, they relax and spread!”
9) A sign from God and a bottle of Wine:
9) A sign from God and a bottle of Wine:
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident. Both cars are very badly damaged. But, they come out of the cars without a scratch.
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident. Both cars are very badly damaged. But, they come out of the cars without a scratch.
The Priest says, “It must be a sign from God. We both are alive and well.”
The Priest says, “It must be a sign from God. We both are alive and well.”
The Rabbi says, “Look at this, my kosher bottle of red wine did not break.”
The Rabbi says, “Look at this, my kosher bottle of red wine did not break.”
The Priest says, “Another sign from God, that we should drink and celebrate.”
The Priest says, “Another sign from God, that we should drink and celebrate.”
The Rabbi uncorks the bottle and gives it to the Priest, and says “You first.”
The Rabbi uncorks the bottle and gives it to the Priest, and says “You first.”
The Priest quickly grabs the bottle of wine and takes a couple of long sips.
The Priest quickly grabs the bottle of wine and takes a couple of long sips.
The Priest says, “Here drink and enjoy."
The Priest says, “Here drink and enjoy."
The Rabbi replies, "No thanks, I think I'll wait for the police to arrive!"
The Rabbi replies, "No thanks, I think I'll wait for the police to arrive!"
10) Husband and wife having wine:
10) Husband and wife having wine:
Wife: “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could live without you.”
Wife: “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could live without you.”
Husband: “Is that you or the wine talking to me?”
Husband: “Is that you or the wine talking to me?”
Wife: “It’s me, and I talking to the wine!”
Wife: “It’s me, and I talking to the wine!”
Cheers!
Cheers!
